Monday, April 28, 2008

Wow, Am I BEHIND!!

So, I am already well into cycling! We started meds on April 22nd after a baseline labs and ultrasound on Monday the 21st. I did my 3rd injection this morning!

The important stuff starts on Thursday (CD 13), with our first lining check.

Today was labs on CD 10, Estradiol was 620 and progesterone was 0.5; so that looks good (though now I have to go home and do the comparison)! I’m anxious for this cycle to go well! I want to get to transfer so bad, and see T&I and Fiona! I haven’t had hardly ANY cramping this time around… I don’t know if that’s good or bad, or if it means nothing…

We found out Kenneth has to be away for training from the 3rd through the 11th, so I may end up having to take Kent with me to transfer! In some ways it would be nice for me (he will be a HUGE helper with getting things for me while I’m on bed rest), and I know it would actually be fun for us to have a couple days to just hang out together. I know we’d have a good time, we’d play games and watch TV and just hang out… I just feel bad to change things up for my IPs; I’m still waiting to see what their thoughts or ideas are since I told them the news last night!

So, fingers crossed, we’ll know more within a week! :)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Polyp Removal Done, Waiting for Results!

The procedure was last Thursday and I think everything went really well! (I have a foggy memory of Dr. Kaplan stopping by to talk to me in recovery). From what I remember she said there were “a bunch” of polyps, and some scar tissue, but it sounded like she got everything. Now we wait for the pathology results on the polyps, and then GRS will send Cooper a report on everything and clear me to start cycling, and we’ll get a calendar and be OFF! :)

The only negative that happened, is during the procedure somehow I ended up with a pinched nerve in my back which has caused me pretty severe pain since Thursday afternoon. Today (Tuesday) is the first day I am NOT taking the heavy pain meds they prescribed for me. The pain meds took the edge off the pain, but they really had me messed up. I haven’t been eating or sleeping well the last couple of days. I took 2 pills yesterday morning when I got to work and was is a fog all day, really tired and light headed. So I didn’t take anymore the rest of the day and was able to sleep pretty well last night! I feel ok today. Still stiff in my back, but I’m trying to only take OTC meds instead of the heavy stuff and see if I can make it through the day. It’s definitely getting better each day, so I’m sure it will be fully healed up soon.

So to back track a little and recap the surgery day! Kenneth dropped me off at work that morning, on his way to class (around 7:30 am I think). I was already counting down to 10:45 when one of my co-workers was going to take me over to Northside. I was really excited! I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since midnight the night before and my tummy grumbled a little while the hours ticked by slowly.

Finally time came to go, and my friend dropped me off at 11:00am. I got checked in and registered, and sent back to surgery waiting. I was there about 15 minutes and then taken back to pre-op. They ran over everything with me, checked my wrist band numerous times, had me undress and get into the stylish hospital gown, and then there was more waiting. I talked to the anesthesiologist, and eventually the nurse came to give me my IV. She stuck me twice, and got a vein in my hand the second time. She didn’t really like the drip (it was really slow), and she messed with it a few times (which was unpleasant). She gave me some relaxation meds and then I sort of dozed off until they came to take me to surgery. I was wheeled back and settled on the operating table. The anesthesiologist also didn’t like the drip, and played with it and ended blowing the vein. So, she stuck me 2 more times trying to get a new IV in and gave up and called the head anesthesiologist! He stuck me three MORE times before finally getting a vein by my elbow. It was unpleasant, but not too bad. I kept picturing my IPs faces when Fiona was delivered as my “happy place”! :)

So, once the IV was in, they gave me the oxygen mask and I was out a few seconds later. I woke up in recovery, fairly alert. Dr. Kaplan came by to talk to me and give me a quick recap and then I was sent to a room where Kenneth was brought in to wait with me while the anesthesia wore off a little more. We were probably in that room less than half an hour before they let me get dressed, gave me my discharge papers and sent us home. I think it was a little after 3:00 when we got in the car to go home. They let me have a soda before I left, which was nice! It felt good to get something in my stomach!

I rested that evening, and ended up staying home on Friday mainly because of the back pain more than anything. Kenneth went and picked up my prescription for me so I was pretty out of it over the weekend on those! :)

That’s the recap! Now we wait, hopefully not too much longer, for the report. I was told about a week from surgery. So, I’ll call tomorrow to check for an update. I’m HOPING they can get everything to Cooper by Thursday and maybe we can get a calendar going by Friday! (Probably wishful thinking though, I’m sure we won’t really hear anything on a calendar until sometime next week).

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Thinking back…

How do you describe beauty? How do you explain a miracle? What does it mean to say “my heart is full”? How do I do justice to these indescribable feelings and emotions?

Surrogacy is all these things to me, and so much more. It is growing, and learning, giving, stretching, and receiving. It is an imprint on your mind, body and soul. It is giving total faith, trust, and control to another human being and asking for the same in return.

As a surrogate, I don’t think there is a greater joy than witnessing the two people you have come to care so much about holding their long anticipated and greatly loved hopes and dreams in their arms, and truly recognizing that YOU helped make those dreams come true. How empowering! What an amazing blessing! To be able to say: “I Help Make Dreams Come True!!” I want to shout it from the mountain tops!

There are some days when I just can’t help but look back over my journey and just try to soak it all in, remember all the emotions, enjoy the new feelings.

On a flight recently, I wrote this thinking of Fiona and trying to think of her from her parent’s perspective, as well as mine. She encompasses the hopes and dreams of SO many people. I cannot say as much mine as theirs, but she was MY dream come true as well. She has given so much to me, just by allowing me to carry her.

Ode to a Dream

A flit of light. A star streaking across the night sky. You danced with the cherubs for years; you sang with the angels and waited. Your parents longed for you, ached for you, but you were still just a dream.

How does a dream come true? It begins in the heart, a secret wish. To hold you close, to smell your skin, to feel your eyelashes brush against a cheek. The heart speaks the language of love so clearly. It knows exactly what it wants, yearns for so deeply. The emptiness that is felt when those whispered hopes go unanswered. The quietness, missing your laughter, longing to meet you. The quiet. Hope is faint, the heart still whispers, quietly.

To hope again! To embrace the longing! To find faith! You are MEANT to be! I was meant to help you find your way home. I will never understand why I was chosen as your messenger, why I was allowed to witness this dream, born in the heart, become flesh, become real.

You are love. There is nothing about you not longed for, prayed for, hoped for, waited for. Your cries, your giggles, your beauty. You mean so much to so many. Will you truly ever know? Will you ever know that you are one of the only true miracles I was a part of? You chose us, all of us, and we love you!

It is a mystery to me still. The emotions of it all. It is a journey of the heart, a trial of love. It asks for more from some than it does of others. Gives more to some than it does to others. How does it choose? How do we know when it is right? Why are some so lucky? Why was I so blessed? It is a mystery to me.

You created in me something I didn’t know I could have, didn’t know I was capable of. I thought I was a loving person before you, but my heart has grown even more. I cannot adequately express to you, to your parents, the depth of my feelings. How honored I am, how totally smitten I am!

I could not be more proud to have been a part of you, as you are a part of me. All it takes is one glimpse of your face in a photo, and that never-ending feeling of love comes rushing back to the surface and I am reliving the beautiful look of love and joy on your parent’s faces the first time they laid eyes on you.

This is an ode to a miracle, this is an ode to you Fiona.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Pre-Op Appointment Done!

I went yesterday to GRS for my pre-op appointment, they did a blood draw and got my general health history. Northside Hospital called later in the day to get me pre-registered over the phone, and today at 1:30 I have my pre-surgery interview with a Northside Hospital nurse! They are thorough!

I think Kenneth is going to drop me off at work on Thursday morning and I’ll work a couple hours, then catch a ride over to Northside by 11:00am. Kenneth will come pick me up around 2:00-3:00 afterwards. Sounds like it should be pretty simple, maybe some cramping/bleeding over the next couple of days.

It will take about a week to get the results to Cooper (I was told they send the polyps to pathology for testing to make sure everything is normal). After they get the results to Cooper and say I’m cleared to start cycling, we’ll stop BCPs, have a period and start cycling meds! We’re probably looking at transfer the 2nd week of May right now. I’ll know more after the results are sent to Cooper. I’m so ready to get going! :)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Some good news!

I’m excited to finally have some good news to share! After a week of back and forth with the surgery coordinator at GRS, I was given the surgery code and called my insurance directly. They will cover it all! Dr. Kaplan is in network, the hospital is in network, and the surgery should be 100% covered with $0 co-pay. I am so thrilled for good news!

I am waiting to hear back from the surgery coordinator on how quickly she can get me in, I will take the FIRST appointment, heck I’d go this afternoon! :) I can’t wait to find out so I can update my IPs, I know they will be relieved to hear that news!

It’s nice to have an upbeat post for today! Hopefully I’ll be posting about the procedure and how it went within the next week or so!