Thursday, January 29, 2009

Happy Thursday!

Not too much to mention today, still waiting on the final application for the STD policy, and waiting on the first draft of the contract for review... :) Vicki and I said yesterday we feel like we've been having the same conversations with the same people for a week or more now! I thought for sure we'd have at least one or both of those things in hand by Friday - maybe we will, we'll see!!

I am getting SO excited for this weekend!! We're having a Peach Meet in Macon, and I'm driving to Macon with Kent on Friday night, there will be a mini gathering Friday evening at a hotel there in Macon for those who are driving in, and they're some of my bestest friends in the surrogacy community. I can't WAIT to see them (and 2 of my friend's are bringing their little ones and I wanna get some snuggles in)! :) Kenneth will probably ride his motorcycle up the next day and spend a couple hours at the GTG -it will be good that he can leave whenever he's ready since he never lasts as long as I do at the GTG's! I am so bummed Vicki & John won't be there, I wanted them to meet everyone so bad - but they already had their ski trip planned out before we met, so not this time.

I am now on CD 7 and trying to decide whether or not to use OPKs with this cycle, I probably should just to make sure I get the hang of it, I'll have 2 "practice" cycles, before the real one - so 3 months total of charting including our upcoming IUI cycle. I am so excited to get to April, and can't wait to get a few more of our "to-do" items checked off. (Vicki and I talked about it, and I am going to use the OPKs this cycle, I'll probably start around CD13 or 14).

We contacted a midwife through Birthing Right and asked about Georgia Waterbirthing and were guided to 2 midwives who practice at ISIS OBGYN in Alpharetta. They have FANTASTIC waterbirth set ups at North Fulton. We're considering that as an option. The OBGYN and hospital are an hour drive though, so we have to figure out if that's what we really want, if it's worth it to make that drive for all the appointments. I do think it would be a pretty special and incredible experience though. I am determined, either way, to labor in the water this time (Cobb Hospital allows water laboring, just not delivery). I am glad we're talking about it now, and thinking through it all, so we can have our "game plan" in place from the beginning and make sure we do whatever is necessary to have the birth experience we all want. I am excited that Vicki wants to be an active part of the labor and delivery, and think we're going to make a great team... last time I had no support outside of the nurses (who were AWESOME), but I know having an active labor partner can make a big difference, and will help with my focus and my confidence in myself. We have a long ways to go, to get to that point though - but it's still fun to think through the future possibilities!

And an update on T&I, I heard from them today! I was so excited to see their e-mail and hear that things are really hectic for "T" at work, but they're ok and Fiona is doing great. I've been getting a little worried lately, it's been almost a full month since their last contact, and that's not like them. I was going to call "I" today, if there was no e-mail, so I'm glad they were able to write back! I've been thinking about them a lot lately...

Hopefully by tomorrow I'll have some more to update on! :) We're getting there, slowly and surely.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Wave on Wave

Wave on wave... I think that's how it feels, sometimes... emotion after emotion, thought after thought... this has been such an intense couple weeks, in such a GREAT way! This is probably going to be a rambling sort of post, because I've got a lot of thoughts tumbling around inside my brain today.

There are two ways I'm approaching my TS journey, and they have clashed a little lately, and caused me to pause and really explore thoughts and feelings more in depth, and think through scenarios and motivations. There is the me who knows nothing more than what I feel, what I hope for, what I dream of, and is bubbling over with excitement. Then there is the more cautious side of me who researches, researches, researches, asks tons of questions, wants to know everything that can go wrong and tries to prepare for the worst case scenario, while hoping for the best, the me who tries to speak to as many others who've gone before me as I can, to get their opinions, and thoughts, and to try to understand what the future could hold for me... The me who just wants to run with it wants to go full steam ahead, but the more cautious side of me says maybe we should slow things down a little bit. If this truly is the perfect match for all of us, a little more time will only make our relationship stronger and better.

I asked Vicki last night if we could wait one more month, and do IUIs in April instead of March. I feel like I let them down and disappointed them, and it's been eating at me since last night. I was so restless and woke up agitated about it. I never want to hurt anyone, and realize it's my own fault. I should have thought this through ahead of time, and known the timeline I wanted and expressed that up front. I was thinking this morning that there should be a TS Guide somewhere... I feel like a fish out of water some days, with how new and different ALL of this has been so far. I don't know what is the "right" way to do things, and I guess we just have to make it up as we go, and work with each other to find our "right" path.

I know I cannot just look at the experiences others have had and KNOW how mine will go, but I really try to be open and honest with myself and others that I realize I don't know how I will feel in time. It honestly scares me to see some of the pain other TS's have experienced, some long after delivery, and some immediately afterwards. Most say they do not regret their journeys, but some do. This is a very big commitment on both sides, and not one to be taken lightly. And I think it's that intensity, that awareness of what a huge commitment this is for the rest of our lives that has made me want to just take a breath and pause for a moment. I have no doubts in my mind or in my heart that I do want to be a TS, and specifically that I want to be John & Vicki's TS. This is not about second thoughts, for me it's about listening to those who have experience in what I do not and taking a little extra time to just get to know each other. Not moving forward just because we can, but by choice on our own timeline, as a team. I don't want there to be a single concern on either side when we cycle the first time, I want there to be nothing but positive energy and vibes. I have been so excited to match and move forward with each step, and now I just want to enjoy each other's company for the next couple months and learn more about each other and explore our common interests beyond surrogacy, as well as enjoy all the things to come with cycling and pregnancy.

I hope that I haven't disappointed Vicki too much, I hope she knows how much I care about all of them, and that my wish to wait one more month stems from a good place, of wanting us to have a wonderful solid friendship and foundation to move forward upon. My heart is so soft sometimes, I worry so much about making the right choices, saying and doing the right thing... I know I probably over analyze, and over worry about everything - I guess I just don't know how NOT to!! That is part of who I am...

I hope that today is a good day, and that we make some progress today with contracts or the STD policy. I spoke to the rep yesterday and gave him a bunch of details, and am waiting for the rest of the application so I can review it and complete it.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Another weekend come and gone!

We had a busy weekend! :) Saturday we took our foster dog to the vet for her first check up since she came to us about a month ago. The vet said she's within about 10 days of delivery and did an x-ray and counted at least ELEVEN puppies! Holy smoke!! Her belly has gotten HUGE, it just seems to grow each day - she's practically dragging on the ground now... She was so scared being in the car and interracting with unfamiliar people. Poor baby!! Just breaks my heart to see her so scared still... She's still so thin too, with all those puppies snagging a lot of her calorie intake, and her not being a big eater, it's hard to get her to gain. She's up almost 15lbs from when they weighed her upon intake though, so she's doing ok - she could really use anothe 10+ pounds though.

After the vet appointment, we all went to the animal shelter to visit with the animals, pet a few, get them out of their cages. They were having FREE adoptions! It is a miracle we didn't come home with 2 or 3 new pets...!! I loved an orange kitty I saw, but I just don't think I want to take on more animals right now - not with Pebbles due with a huge litter within a week or so.

Then Saturday evening we met John, Vicki, and Johnny at Texas Roadhouse for dinner! It was really nice to just hang out together, after the past week and all the highs and lows - it was good to just have a meal together and chit chat. We were at the restaurant for about 2.5 hours - I doubt our waitress was happy with us for holding up her table on a Saturday night for that long!! Next time we'll have to get together at a house so the boys don't have to sit for so long, and we can just hang without being on a timeline (not to mention we got to listen to birthday clapping about 8 times)! :D

Sunday we were pretty laid back, hanging out at home except for running a couple errands this evening. We stopped by Best Buy - we're thinking about getting a 2nd lap top, and Kenneth is considering the options, which generally takes a good bit of research and consideration before a purchase.

That was our weekend, waiting to hear back from Scott the STD policy rep - he sent me an e-mail that he needed some info over the phone to pre-fill most of the aplication and then he could e-mail me the rest to fill out. I left him a voicemail, and am hoping we'll have that underway tomorrow. We're still waiting on the 1st draft of the contract too... I'm sure this will be a good, productive week for us!

I'm so excited about this coming weekend - going to Macon on Saturday to have a Georgia Get Together with the local ladies and gentlemen in the surro community, and several of my friends from far away are coming too - I'm SOO pumped!! :) John & Vicki are headed out of town for that weekend, and I'm so bummed they won't get to come too - it's always such a good time, and such a great way to network and gather great information from others who have so much experience to and knowledge to share.

I need to get my picture albums updated, and bring those with!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Just a Quickie

Just popping in for a moment - nothing too momentous to discuss today (although give it a few hours, I bet you Vicki will accomplish 10 things from our check list and I'll have to come back and edit this)! I think we're all going to get together to hang out tomorrow night for dinner which will be nice. I think we all need some good, quality time together after all the back and forth this week!! :) It is amazing how different this has been, working directly with Vicki and John through the contract details then when I had an agency coordinator mediating the details. It feels much more "nitty gritty" and initmate with them. I've told Vicki I feel like I have gotten to know them on a much deeper level then I did with my FIPs, and I've known them for years now...! Indy arrangements are definitely different, and in a good way I think... It has been educational, for sure.

We're working on getting the STD policy in place, and getting the details to the attorney so we can review a draft soon - we're all excited about that!!

I am sure I will have more to talk about by this weekend! It's going to be a good one. :)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Speed Bumps and Thank Yous!

It's been a tough couple days for all of us, working through some of the details we want put in the contract!! We agree on everything except lost wages, but I think we've found a good solution that will put everyone at ease, and protect both of our families and hope to get the details today and then get the wording in the contract updated so we can get a draft to review...

I've been stressed out by it, even though I know in my heart of hearts we WILL find a solution because this is too good of a match to just walk away from... It's still difficult to want so much to make everyone happy, and to want to just say "ok, let's do it that way" but to be careful to protect yourself and your family too in a worst case scenario... Kenneth is always my voice of reason, and he is looking out for my health and our family's safety, and I think John is the same for his family. We've gone back and forth the last couple days, and the one thing I know has come from this is we CAN talk through things when they get tough, or difficult, or uncomfortable. Finances is one of the HARDEST things to talk about in surrogacy, because you don't want it to be a business deal, but being honest the contract part is the business part of the agreement and you do have to deal with the details - even if they make me squirm a little! I am just thankful for how open Vicki has been with me about her feelings, and John's feelings and I have felt TOTALLY comfortable expressing myself, my concerns, my thoughts and we're working through it!

I wouldn't wish "speed bumps" on anyone, but at the same time with how smooth things have been up to this point, I don't think it's all bad to have some conflict. It helps show you what you're made of, what your relationship is made of and we'll come out stronger on the other side.

Onto the Thank You part - Vicki is incredibly sweet and sent me the BEST HUGEST Edible Arrangement bouquet yesterday... oh my GOSH!! I love their products, I use them all the time for gifts. It was this beautiful white basket just STUFFED with strawberries, grapes, pineapple flowers with cantaloupe, and chocolate dipped strawberries... I got LOTS of people walking by my office with jealous looks!! :D I munched on it all the way home, and had some for dessert too, and there's still a ton left for today. Kent was enthralled when he got in the car and saw it, and of course I shared!

I love gifts like that - and of course the gift tag message was incredibly sweet and made me all teary... I am so blessed, and very thankful to have them in my life and just can't wait to get through contracts and have everyone happy with what goes in them, and move forward together!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Things Are Rolling Along!

We had our official "we're matched" posting on SMO (link above)! I am so excited and ready to see what the coming year brings!!

I am so incredibly excited that John and Vicki found me and that I will get to help make them parents again hopefully this year (they have one very handsome little boy via open adoption)!

We had run late to our Saturday meeting - Kenneth was being a pain in my rear end and dragging his feet about going (I think he was protesting me making him leave the house on a Saturday morning). We finally got there and found John and Vicki in the back where they'd pulled 2 tables together and 5 chairs. Kent fidgeted the entire time, but he was pretty good - I'm sure he was bored to tears, and I didn't realize that about an hour and a half had flown by before we finally moved outside to say our goodbyes!! Time seems to fly whenever we hang out together, it's so easy to just "talk, talk, talk"!!

We e-mailed and IMed a little that evening just to make sure that both the guys were on board after the get together and made it OFFICIAL official!! We were excited for our Monday appointment in Atlanta.

Yesterday went really well! Vicki found the house (hopefully without too many issues), and picked me up a little after 12:00, and took me to a fantastic Chinese restaurant for lunch (the sizzling rice soup was awesome and their egg rolls were really good). Then we hopped back in the car for about a 50 minute drive into Atlanta, and we found the doctor's office without too much trouble (it's off the same exit that I drive every day for work)! Vicki had made us matching green notebooks with tabs for Dr. H./cycling, the OB/Hospital, Attorney and General. It's super cute and I love having a place to put notes and printouts and info that we're gathering! (I have so many things to print out and add to their today!!) :D

So, at the doctor's office we got there about 15 minutes ahead of our 2:15 appointment time, and turned in copies of driver's license, insurance, and pre-filled out new patient forms. She gave me more forms to sign and then we waited maybe a half hour before we were taken back. I did the pee in a cup/height/weight/blood pressure and the nurse entered some info into a computer. Then we were taken back to the exam room and I was asked to undress completely and put on this ever so lovely pink paper gown, opened to the front. The nurse asked if Vicki needed to step out and I think I said "I'm sure she's going to see a lot worse"!! Once I was pretty in pink, I sat on the table, and Vicki sat in the chair next to me and we waited, and talked, and waited, and talked... and it was after 4:00 when Dr. H. finally came in!! (At one point he asked us why they called us patients, and I said "Because we have to wait for so long?" He said we had to have a lot of patience... let's hope we don't have to have THAT much patience at every appointment!!) :D

We chit chatted a little, and he did a breast exam and an internal exam on me and we talked about cycling and expressed our interest in as natural a cycle as possible. He was very friendly and answered all of our questions and told us to call on CD1 when we're ready to move forward with the IUI. He said we can bring our contract at that appointment, and that we have all the testing we need up to date (we left copies with him). He said I was a "nice, healthy young lady" and was a good choice. :D Yeah me!

So, now we have a good idea of what we need to do when it's time to cycle, and I am cleared - so on to contracts and talking with the attorney next. We're discussing one last important issue and have to agree on that before we can move forward.

I am excited of course and was glad the appointment went so smoothly, and can't wait for March! :)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I thought weekends were for relaxing!

We have been working on the house pretty much all day today - it needs it, and it's a good thing to finally do so many of the little things we've been needing to do, but I'm tired! So much for weekends being for relaxing!

Window cleaning, deep cleaning the living room carpet, Kenneth's working on getting my new picture up on the wall in the bedroom, purging some of Kent's arts and craft goodies, lots of vaccuuming, dusting and straightening up...!!

Today is going quickly, to say the least. Hopefully another hour of working and I can relax. At least we have tomorrow off, so maybe I'll get to enjoy our hardwork a little before the boys, dogs, and dust mess it all back up!! :)

Kenneth wants to finish the game of Risk we started this morning and I still have no idea what we're eating for dinner... guess I should go raid the freezer for inspiration, and maybe pull a roast out for tomorrow night so I don't have this problem again. :)

And a quick update on our foster dog, Pebbles, she's actually doing a little better lately. She's not pacing quite as much when she's in the house (and knock on woode no accidents in the house in several days), and she'll come up for pets and hang out for awhile (as long as no one stands up). Her belly is hanging lower and lower, she is definitely prego. We've been trying to convince her to eat more. She's still underweight and I know those babies are taking the calories and nutrients that her body needs as well.

Time to go inspect Kenneth's handywork and see the picture he hung! Yeah! :)

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Pinch Me?

I just can't get over how easy things have been since V and I first started chatting... it's just flowed so smoothly. We've been able to discuss just about everything under the sun, and I've never once felt uncomfortable with anything she's brought up, or any of her responses. I KNOW we're going to make a strong and fantastic team - and cannot WAIT to help make them parent's again!!

I am filled with such a sense of peace and calm this afternoon. There is that excitement and anticipation, but there is this "old soul" feel as well, a connection, a strength, a bond... This is the "lasting kind"... not just the "I'm so excited to meet you" with no "meat" to the relationship. V&J are the kind of people we would be friends with and want to spend time with regardless. Getting to help them build their family is going to be icing on the cake.

There will be ups and downs along the way, but I have no doubt in my mind that with each challenge we will roll up our sleeves and tackle them head on and overcome each and every one. We will support each other through the disappointments, and celebrate with tears and hugs over the accomplishments.

This is only the beginning of not only a wonderful friendship, but a new and blended family unit.

I've been listening for that still small voice, with open ears and an open heart, not wanting to rush into anything foolishly, wanting to be sure that it was right for everyone. I am ready and excited to see what 2009 brings our families, and am so happy to have such an amazing couple to take another beautiful surrogacy journey with.

I can't wait to update on Monday after our Doctor consult, I know contracts will be next!!

Songs for Surrogacy

I'm so excited for our get together this morning! I woke up at 5:00, took my temp and there is no WAY I can get back to sleep.

So, instead I'm making a list of songs that SMO friends have said make them think of surrogacy.

Butterfly Kisses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftQVud5NUOs

A New Day Has Come by Celine Dion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEjeItYtioE

My Wish by Rascal Flatts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxjVCBSa-Vs

One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzyys6kW8yg

I Knew I Loved You by Savage Garden
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APnO_I4idsY

One Boy, One Girl Collin Raye
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnUEteN90hM

I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1IowUGTHDk

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGC003Xz3CY

I Would Die for That by Kellie Coffey
(I am bawling now over this one!!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Blessed by Elton John
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcirDSqSU0s

(There Is) No Greater Love by Amy Winehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVclKsfGCDA

From God's Arms, to My Arms, to Yours
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IdPtGZ-3oM

A dream is a wish by Cinderella
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbows will come smiling throughNo matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're feeling small
Alone in the night you whisper
Thinking no one can hear you at all
You wake with the morning sunlight
To find fortune that is smiling on you
Don't let your heart be filled with sorrow
For all you know, tomorrow
The dream that you wish will come true

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

You wake with the morning sunlight
To find fortune that is smiling on you
Don't let your heart be filled with sorrow
For all you know, tomorrow
The dream that you wish will come true

No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true

Now that I'm a blubbering mess I'll sign off for now!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

It's finally FRIDAY!

I am so happy it's FRIDAY!! Why? Because that means tomorrow is SATURDAY!! :D I am not nearly as nervous as I was before, thinking about meeting up since V and I met on Wednesday. It just feels like this is the next natural step to take, getting our families together so we can truly call it a match.

I talked to Kenneth a lot about it last night, and he knows I'm ready to finalize everything and move forward with the next steps and is supportive and happy that I am so happy. V and I feel confident things are going to go great on Saturday, and have already made an appointment at the OB's office who will do the IUI for us, for Monday at 2:00. We both have that day off with it being MLK Day. Kenneth is off from school that day as well, so he can keep Kent while we make the drive to Atlanta.

I'm excited that we're going, and we've been talking about all the questions to ask, and I need to write them all down so we don't forget (but I bet V already has a list going). We want to make sure we have the language for the contract down, so that the 6-month quarantine will be waived, and verify what they need from all of us in the way of testing and paperwork (cycling history, etc.)

I would really prefer to do a completely non-medicated cycle, at least 3. I have taken so many fertility drugs over the past couple years, and now that it seems my cycles have finally (knock on wood) straightened out again, I worry adding anything into my system might knock it back out of whack! So, I am going to advocate for very limited intervention for at least the first 3 cycles. If that doesn't do the trick and we're not pregnant after that amount of time, then I think it could be worth pursuing cycling with medications.

We've been talking through all the details for the contracts, so that will also most likely go very smoothly when it's time to move forward with that. We've been hamering out the wording we want to use.

On a "what's going on with me besides surrogacy" front, I am now into my 2nd week of "dieting" again. I hate calling it that, because it's not a short term thing, I'm making a conscious effort to change how I eat, and to utilize the tools given to me by having gastric bypass done all those years ago. I'm doing ok so far, I think I'm down about 7lbs since I started which I'm happy with. I really want to loose at least another 8 before I get pregnant again (I'll be back down to my pre-cycling weight before I started GS)! I'm already down below my pre-pregnancy weight with Fiona's pregnancy (but I'd gained 10lbs over all those months of cycling before transfer).

Yesterday afternoon and evening was a bust, but it's really the first "bad" eating day I've had since I started, so I'm not going to beat myself up. Just get back up and try again today. I've been doing GREAT with breakfast finally. I've been scrambling 2 eggs with a little bit of seasoning and throwing a slice of cheese on top, putting it in a tupperware and bringing in to work. It takes me about 5-6 minutes from start to finish, and tastes good, fills me up, and is so much better for me (and cheaper!) then anything I could buy and bring. I'm trying to stay high protein, low carb as much as possible, and cutting out snacking and desserts for the most part.

Water has been hard for me too! I can't drink 30 minutes before I eat, or 30 minutes after eating (so the food will stay in the pouch longer and I'll feel full longer). So I have to get on a "schedule" to make sure I push all the fluids I need to be drinking! I've had 2 out of my 8 glasses of water so far this morning, now I get to eat breakfast and in about 40 minutes it'll be time to down another 2 glasses!!

Ok, this is getting really long, I am feeling overly chatty today I guess! :) I'm just excited that it's Friday and can't wait for tomorrow!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Moving In

I'm officially moving my blog posting over here to BlogSpot. For my previous surrogacy journal up to this point: http://rebekahrose.easyjournal.com/ which includes everything from my GS journeys; 2006-2008.

I am excited to start this new chapter in my life... the timing couldn't be better! I think 2009 is truly going to be a blessed year and am just full of anticipation for all the things to come.

Yesterday I met my IM... I am saying it, MY IM... :) I haven't said that out loud yet, it feels nice!! It's not "official" yet, our families are getting together on Saturday so the guys can meet and just make sure everyone feels comfortable with moving forward. "V" and I met yesterday though - I think we were both too excited to wait until Saturday! I called it our "pre-meeting meeting"!

I am not ready to tell the world who they are yet, and am happily guarding this beautiful secret in my heart. I can't wait to tell everyone all about them, and share in what will be an amazing journey over the next year. I have tingly sensations and butterflies and could not be more excited. I feel like I have found a friend who is so incredibly similar to me, and by some miracle they are so close by - we seem to think a lot alike, and have found so many things in common (all the way down to only liking French Vanilla coffee)!

We don't want to rush into anything, though I do think that when it's right you KNOW it, and things do have a way of coming together smoothly, which they seem to be doing so far. We are both also uber-planners, so we've already run through probably hundreds of questions/issues/scenarios since we started talking.


If all goes well on Saturday I think we'll move forward with contracts in the next couple weeks and I'll start charting with a Fertility Monitor in probably a little over a week...

I can't wait to see how things go on Saturday and maybe, just maybe really be able to officially call J&V MY IPs!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Better today

Today started out much better with correspondence from the IP I mentioned in yesterday’s post – I think everything is smoothed over, and we had a good e-mail exchange. I told them that I am really thinking the couple I am meeting with this weekend might be our match, but I hope they’ll stay in touch if they need someone to talk to!


I don’t even know what to say yet, there’s a lot I could say, but I don’t think I want to yet… I’m holding hope close to my heart and waiting to see how it goes this weekend. I have been reminded over and over the last couple days that when it’s meant to be it will, and you can’t force the right match to happen.

I just keep hoping the next 3 days go quickly and that the weekend gets here fast! :)

Monday, January 12, 2009

:(

Anyone who knows me, knows the last thing I would do is intentionally mislead or hurt someone... and to find out that's exactly what someone feels you've done really stinks! It has been an emotionally tough couple days for me!!


I had an e-mail on Sunday from a very close SMO friend of mine that was hard to read, her concerns for me about a relationship with someone we both know. I am thankful for good friends who will be honest even when its hard to hear, but that really wore me out. It was a lot to think through and work through and process.

Then this morning an e-mail letting me know that someone was hurt by what they'd read in my journal indicating I was talking to a potential local match. That just killed me! I am always upfront with everyone I talk to if I'm speaking to another couple and have never tried to hide anything.

I have had communication with 3 serious potential matches (not counting 1 e-mail exchanged and never hearing back again) in my search, and am currently only speaking with 1 (the local couple). As I mentioned before, I had hoped to have teleconferences with 2 potential matches through the agencies I've contacted, but apparently I did not communicate to one of the agencies and one of those potential matches that I have been searching independantly as well, and am listed with other agencies. I have told every other agency I've contacted, and don't know how I missed filling them in on that - as obviously it is important information. I know I had told the agency coordinator last week that I wasn't speaking to any other potential matches (prior to being contacted by the local couple), but I guess that was the only discussion we had.

I feel awful! Seriously, awful. I can't stand it when something I did hurts someone else, especially so completely unintentionally... so I am starting my day feeling totally bummed out.

It might seem silly, but it's days like this where I wonder if I'm even supposed to do this again. I got into surrogacy to help people, to make a miracle, to make positive things happen. Not to let people down, disappoint, or hurt them.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Happy Saturday!

Kent and I are being lazy today!! :) I'm going to fix him teddy bear pancakes (his favorites!) this morning and maybe some cocoa for a treat, and he's watching cartoons while I'm playing on the computer...

I think we'll be home most of today, but I get to go over to Krista & Jay's this afternoon and help her with some office paperwork catch up!! I love organizing for other people!! (Just not at home!!) :D

I was contacted by a local couple who I've been talking to for just a couple days now, but I've enjoyed our communications so far! I'm hoping we can all get together next weekend, when Kenneth is home again, and we'll see how things go.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Waiting, waiting…

Well, I’ve heard back from 2 of the agencies I’ve been in touch with that have potential IPs that might like to talk to me… I hope to have news of a teleconference SOON!! It made me happy to hear there are IPs who are interested, that’s always encouraging! Now to get onto the part where we TALK so we can see if we click!


I hope maybe within a week to hear more from at least one of them.

I took a sick day yesterday and rested a lot, I’ve had a cold for what seems like WEEKS now. My throat is sore, and my sinuses are off and on congested. I’m tired. I am not sure what else to do to make it go away! I guess just some more time…

The January Georgia Peach Meet is coming up in 3.5 more weeks – I can’t wait!! I haven’t seen everyone since I think August or something like that? It was awhile back!

Monday, January 05, 2009

One month…

It’s now been a month since that repeat beta we had, and so about a month of searching… I have met IPs who I would love, very much, to TS for, but the timing isn’t right – though I do hope that in the future that might change.



I’ve talked with several agencies and have heard nothing in awhile from any of them which is disappointing. I don’t expect to have a match right away, but would like to know there are potential IPs out there, searching too. I’d like to know my profile is being shown to a few potential IPs.



I haven’t heard from T&I since the Christmas card I got from them, and it is making me a little sad… I really hope now that the Holiday’s are over things will settle down for everyone and maybe they’ll find time to reply to my e-mail.



I think I feel a little frustrated because it was so easy with my GS match, once the agency application was in the rest fell into place. I have a feeling that I could find a GS match pretty easily if that’s how I was searching, but TS is what I’ve decided on and I need to just be patient and see what happens. So really, all of that to say I don’t have any new updates!

We got to spend New Years Eve with the IPs we met a little while back, Krista and Jay – it was a GREAT time! It was wonderful to visit with them and their friends and neighbors, and Kent had lots of little kids to run around with. Kenneth got to spend an hour or two talking with another Marine, and that always makes him happy! :) He goes for drill this week – he leaves Wednesday and is gone through the weekend, so Kent and I get some “just us” time! I’m sure we’ll have fun this weekend; maybe we’ll make teddy bear pancakes on Saturday. :)