Tuesday, June 23, 2009

It's hard to say good byes...

Yesterday all around stunk... there's just no other way to put it. The uncertainty of when we'll see Kenneth again - whether in 3 months or a year from now, the uncertainty of where they will deploy to... it was a lot on my heart and mind as we stood in the hot Georgia sun, watching all those men in cammies with their HUGE bags and weapons taking up a large portion of the grass, working so well together, quickly packing up the buses, taking farewell pictures, giving farewell hugs... I know they wouldn't have done an "official" goodbye like this unless they felt the Marines won't get a chance to come home before they leave again and that was weighing on my mind, while I resented the "not knowing", wondering if I'll have to do this again in a few months. I have done well not crying up until that moment he gave me one last hug and walked away... I had sunglasses on to hide my misty eyes, and a good friend who gave me a hug and let me cry quietly for a minute. The buses closed their doors and off they went while many hands in the air waved goodbye and other hands offered applause... my heart went with them.

The afternoon was hard for me, I was moody and drained and Kent acted like nothing had happened. I realize this isn't his fault, I KNOW how he is, and it won't hit him for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden he realizes daddy isn't coming home every night and he has his sad moment... but for now it was just another day to him and I know I was being snippy and feel guilty for being that way... I just wanted to be allowed to sulk and grieve and be quiet.

We watched Hotel for Dogs together and I bawled through most of that, and I bawled through a couple episodes of Army Wives... lots and lots of tears yesterday! You'd think I'd be cried out, but writing this, I feel a couple more making their way down my cheeks.

I will feel better soon, especially after I get to talk to Kenneth - which I probably already would have if I hadn't let my phone battery die sometime yesterday evening (for which I am now kicking myself)!

On a completely unrelated note, on the surrogacy front, I made an appointment today to have my endo biopsy and sounding (I think this is the trial transfer?) done tomorrow, and possibly some of the labs pending Dr. Korts preference. Once that is done (and of course depending on the results), when my period arrives in about 1 week I will get scheduled for the saline sono and whatever labs still need to be done.

Kent and I are getting ready to leave Friday for a very fun weekend with some friends in Kansas City and I cannot wait for that little get away and reprieve from reality, for a couple days. I am going to enjoy it! I realized this AM that I haven't even thought about anything beyond yesterday for a long time, and now I only have a couple days to pack and get ready, and get the house in order to leave it... I can't stand coming home to a messy house, especially since we're getting in Sunday evening and I am supposed to go to work on Monday! Yikes!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yay for Birthday Shopping!

On our way home yesterday Kent and I stopped at Kohls and I got to spend my gift certificates!! I had $200 and I used all of it (and a little more, shhh..!!) I have been wanting a couple more sports bras, since I am wearing them 6 times a week now and don't always get laundry done that frequently (especially since Kenneth hasn't been around as much, Kent and I just don't generate enough to need to do it every 7 days). I got a cute pink one and a gray one just for "different", they are really comfortable and have a cool mesh back for extra air flow.

I also got a very cute blue summer dress, and a full length summer dress too! That's the first full length dress I've bought in a long time, but it was so pretty and fit really nicely, and I thought it would be great for dinner out when I go to Kansas City on the 26th! I also got 3 tops (1 I'm not 100% sold on, I will probably take it back and exchange it) and a pair of black capri pants. I hadn't intended on getting new capris (I have a few pairs already), but these are the slacks style (which I don't already have) and I remembered trying the same ones on last time I was at Kohls a couple months back and they did NOT look good on me, and I even remember trying the size above the ones I bought and they didn't look good either... this time they really looked GOOD on me! I was so excited!! It's still a size higher than I want to be, but I really am slimming down a little and things fit better and look better on. I was also able to get a new pair of Adidas running shoes. The Sketchers I've had for a couple years are D-U-N done, the inside heel on one of them was really torn up and they just aren't comfortable to wear anymore. I got to wear my new shoes last night doing Kenpo X and they felt SO much better on, and I felt a lot lighter on my feet, they're great!! I'll definitely get great use out of those. I don't think Kenneth was terribly impressed by my 8 articles of clothing and 1 pair of shoes for $200 but I was pretty happy with it all!

I modeled everything for Kenneth before working out last night and he is so funny, he tells me he's going to "lose his honey" because of all the change I've already undergone and all I have left to go (because I am a little smaller, not because I'm going anywhere!!)... I wonder if he's just worried he'll come back and he won't recognize me after all his time away. I don't think it'll ever be that drastic of a change though, but I know it's hard to have things change when you're away like he will be.

He gets tomorrow off and we have our one last weekend then we say goodbye for an unknown amount of time Monday; we're all crossing our fingers that they get their leave in the fall and I'll see him again for a couple weeks before he heads out. I'm trying not to think about it too much, because I am really going to miss him.

I had my first week tracking with Weight Watchers, this was not an ideal week for me! I ate out on 3 different days I think... that is really unusual for me lately, and made it hard to track... I doubt I've lost anything, I just hope the scale doesn't say I gained!

I picked up some nectarines at the store last weekend and ate the last one today with breakfast, I forgot how much I like those!! They are so much better when you leave them out of the refrigerator and let them get soft for a day or two on the counter. I have been trying to keep a fruit bowl on the counter to grab a few grapes from when I'm feeling "munchy".

Today they're having a Tenant Appreciation Lunch for the building, with a Mardi Gras theme! It looks like its another pretty day, hopefully it won't be too hot... though this afternoon if it is still really hot it might be a great day to take the top of the Vette! :)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Getting Ready for Kenneth to Leave

Today I went into work late so I could get my notary (for work) re-certified when the county clerk's office opened and then I took Kent and met Kenneth at the base and we headed over to the I.D. card office. Kent is now old enough to get his very own and first Military Dependant I.D. card which he thought was pretty cool and I got an updated one showing the dates Kenneth is going to be active so we can have access to the additional benefits.

It was a little bittersweet, to say the least! I am excited about the benefits, and am able to take Kenneth off of my insurance at work which is a fairly significant cost difference each pay check. It made it more "real" though... It's hard to believe we have less than a week and we'll be saying goodbye with a lot of uncertainty about if and when we will see him again since plans are back up in the air for the moment.

On the G.S. front, things are moving along well. I e-mailed back and forth with the attorney's office and with L. She's asked the attorney to contact the psychologist to get the verbal ok to move forward with contracts, so we'll probably be starting on those in the next week I'd guess. She's also getting in touch with RBA about possibly inducing a period to try to synch up with my cycle so maybe, just maybe we can start with the cycle after testing! That would be awesome!

I think I ovulated yesterday, I'll know for sure tomorrow. I had 2 positive OPKs on Monday and Tuesday afternoons (though Tuesdays was a little lighter so I think I must have caught the tail end of it). My temp was nice and high this AM so as long as tomorrow's is high too then that should pretty much confirm it and I will have about 11 days from tomorrow to expect AF then we can get testing scheduled. I am THRILLED my body ovulated much quicker this cycle then it has the previous natural ones, on CD 25 instead of CD 33 like last month! I am hoping that means my hormones are leveling out and my cycle is trying to get back to normal again (though it doesn't really matter since I'm going to start meds in another month or so to shut everything down and let the RE control it).

I guess that's about it for today! :) Kenneth probably has a late night at work so Kent and I get to try to enjoy some quiet and I am excited about leftovers tonight! I made The Dinner A'Fare Chicken Gumbo last night (and doctored it a little with some carrots, diced tomatoes, corn and some more seasoning) and it came out REALLY yummy, I really like it. I think I might throw a can of beans in there too, for some extra protein. Soups are such good, versatile dishes that are generally really healthy for you too (and FAST)!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Psych Consults Done Too!

On Friday I went with Kenneth to work and took the Focus for an oil change, then bought a book at Target and came back and waited in the parking lot until it was time to leave around 10:00am for his lab appointment at RBA. We got over there and back within 1 hour which was great - nice and quick! Then he had to stay at work until about 1:00 so I ran to Subway for lunch and waited in the parking lot some more. Thankfully I liked the book I picked up (and still have a few chapters to go to finish it) so I kept myself preoccupied!

Saturday was mostly a take it easy day, since Kenneth hadn't had one for awhile! We ran some errands he wanted to do, went to Brigade Quartermaster and he picked out a very nice (and expensive!!) travel bag that he's been wanting. That was pretty much his Father's Day present, though I'll still get him something for Father's Day too. We'll be having dinner and dessert with his family that day.

Kenneth mowed the yard Saturday afternoon and I napped. I didn't sleep well Thursday night and was still feeling pretty tired by Saturday so it was nice to just sleep a little and have a lazy afternoon! I got some cleaning up done around the house as well.

Sunday was my birthday lunch with Kenneth's family. It was really nice, and yummy! We had grilled chicken with barbecue, a mixed green salad with feta, cucumbers, carrots and pecans, a nice fresh fruit salad, watermelon slices and homemade mac n cheese! For dessert there was a very, very yummy chocolate dream pie. I love that thing. I haven't had much sweets in the past 3 weeks since starting the P90X program, so that was a huge treat!

After I opened my presents (I got a mini fridge for work which I've been wanting for ages and the first 3 books of the Twilight series which I can't wait to read along with some more Kohls shopping money - yay!) Kenneth and I had to get going for our psych eval appointment in Snellville. We drove there in about an hour, and the psychologist got there shortly after we did (she was coming in on a day no one usually works just for us, so we really appreciated it)!

Kenneth and I spoke to her in depth for a little over an hour and a half, and then L&N spoke to her for about the same amount of time while I took the MMPI-2 test and Kenneth tried not to be too bored while he watched a movie on his Palm. We all regrouped after the individual consults and chatted a little while together just touching on some of the major issues that need to be addressed before moving forward. We have already talked about pretty much all of those topics and are in agreement on them. We are also all pretty easy going people and I don't see anyone having much problem working through issues if they came up, I think we will be able to communicate and talk through pretty much anything. The psychologist had positive things to say and said she'd give her preliminary feedback to the attorney and RE soon and would follow up with me when my MMPI results came in and get that forwarded as well, probably in about a week or so. After that we'll move forward with contracts and testing should be not too long after. I'm hoping ovulation is soon, based on my cycle day it should be within the next week at the most - then we'll have a better timeline for the biopsy and uterine evaluation (and most likely my labs will be done at the same time).

I told Sandra (the psychologist) yesterday when we were sitting as a group talking, and she asked how each of us was feeling with how things were going that I strongly feel when things are meant to work out, they come together easily and that's my summary version of how I feel about this match and how things are coming together. Nothing has felt forced to me, its all coming together easily and I really appreciate L&N and how easy they have been to communicate with and work with. I really see us making a strong team! :)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

RE Consult Done!

I was so stinkin' nervous going into that appointment! I think part of me is worried that I'm pushing my luck and that I should be thankful for the journey I had and not try again, and then the other part of me is screaming "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING"!! I know I was very blessed last time, and I very much want to help one more couple become parents via surrogacy... I am just nervous about my lining causing problems again.

We had a long sit down consult with Dr. Kort who was great, very personable, very knowledgeable. I liked him a lot. He went over my medical history and did an exam on me. He said I'm healthy and everything looks good, and he thinks it is a good match. I brought up my concerns about my lining response to the previous protocols I'd been on and that caused him to pause and he looked a little concerned. He has decided to have an endometrial biopsy done after my next period to rule out endometritis as a possible contributing factor to the lining not thickening correctly. That will probably be in about a month from now. The good news is even if that comes back positive it just means I go on antibiotic therapy and it delays cycling some. My IM will be on a non standard protocol because she cannot take most hormones due to medical complications, so we will wait for a period and then we can figure out when our timeline will be for transfer. With the testing they want done in July I'm thinking late August maybe September? Something like that. It sounds like a long time from now, but we still have a lot to work on between now and then and its nice to know we don't have to rush anymore now that most of Kenneth's stuff is scheduled and will be done this week. Most likely we (Kenneth and I) will go back to RBA tomorrow for his labwork to be completed so we can have that out of the way before he heads out of town.

I guess that's everything for now, overall the appointment went well and I am excited to see what's next, and ready to get the rest of testing done so we can get the all clear to move ahead!! :)

Monday, June 08, 2009

A side note...

This has been making me smile all morning - so I thought I'd add it here... I called Kenneth this morning at 5:30am his time to check on his preference for a Friday or Sunday appointment for the psych consult. I hated calling so early, but I knew he would probably be getting up about that time anyway. I woke him up and got to hear his sleepy voice, and it was SO cute and melted my heart... and I can still hear his sleepy voice in my head saying "I love you"... awwww!! I haven't talked to him in a few days, so it was really good to hear his voice even for 2 minutes and 46 seconds! :D

What a great weekend!

Wow!! What an amazing and busy, busy weekend we had! Where to start! :) Saturday the alarm went off at 7:00 and I got up and ready and let Kent sleep in (he NEVER sleeps past 7:00 so I was very surprised when I peeked out before hopping in the shower and his door was still shut)! At about 7:30 I got him up and fed and we got the dogs all settled and headed out around 8:00am. It's an hour and a half drive to Lake Lanier but traffic was quiet and the ride was nice. Though there was a bike race when we got to Lanier that we were stuck behind for about 15 minutes or so. Eventually we got to the Pavilion and found a good spot to park. We unloaded all of the things we needed for the picnic (which really wasn't that much this time, thankfully). We had water balloon issues - the ones I bought were very poor quality and broke left and right. We worked for about 45 minutes on those and only had about 15 to show for our effort!! After giving up on the water balloons the couple people that were there hit a volleyball around for a little while and as more folks showed up we actually started a game of volleyball which went on until lunch was ready at 11:30. By about 12:30 everyone seemed to be there and the sun had finally come out to play. It ended up being a beautiful afternoon!

The food was really good, and I was very pleased with everything. They didn't have our veggie burgers ready, but that was the only real hiccup. Overall things went smoothly and I really liked the location. We did a couple quick games, and then raffled off about 20 prizes and let folks go on their way! Many hung out for another hour or so and played more volleyball (including me, which is why I now have a fantastic sunburn mainly on my backside)! Kent and I are saving our WaterPark tickets for a day that we can enjoy it for more than a couple hours. We left there I think around 3:00pm and enjoyed a couple hours at home together - we watched Bedtime Stories which had arrived in the mail that day thanks to Netflix! It was a nice afternoon. I did my work out and slept great that night!

Sunday was the baby shower day! It didn't start until the afternoon so we had the whole morning to sleep in and hang out. Kent watched cartoons and I SLEPT until about 10:00. I was beat! Between all the work outs and all the sun and sand the day before, I was pretty drained. We had a late breakfast once I was up and then a light lunch before we headed out at 2:30 to drive to Atlanta. The shower was at a beautiful home, and it was fabulous to finally meet Sherry in person and her GS "M", and just get to be there for such a beautiful occassion. I felt very lucky and blessed to be included. I got to take a bunch of pictures (on "M"s camera) of the presents being opened which was fun! Sherry is expecting twins and got lots of little goodies that they will need when the babies arrive - I was imagining how much fun they must have had that evening going home and finding places for all the new things! "M" looked amazing, and said overall the pregnancy has been great for her - so that was exciting and encouraging for me to hear. L&N would like to transfer two, and I know L has said a couple times twins would be fantastic! You never know what you're going to get pregnant with as a surro, who will stick around and who won't, or who might choose to split!! You just hope for one healthy bean and then pray to do your very best if there are multiples I think. :)

It sounds like we finally have the psych eval appointment scheduled for this coming Sunday in the afternoon, and my birthday get together was moved to that day as well. So Kenneth and I will hopefully have Fri & Sat together and then a busy Sunday afternoon. We have the RE consult coming up this Thursday and I'm excited to meet Dr. Kort and his staff and have the chance to speak and see what he thinks about working with me. I hope it goes great and that after this week we'll just have bloodwork and probably a uterine evaluation left for testing! :) I think we'll all be relieved when the psych evals are done since that one requires all of us to be at one place at one time and we had a limited amount of days to pick from with Kenneth's schedule. The labs he can do one morning or evening, or that weekend before he heads out. Then on to the really fun stuff... contracts... everyones favorite! Ack! :) Hopefully by July we'll have all of that under our belt and can figure out what our timeline is for transfer after that. I am focusing lots of positive energy on that goal! :)

Looks like today is going to be another pretty one! I love this sunshine!

Friday, June 05, 2009

Happy last day of school!

Today is Kent's LAST DAY OF 4th GRADE!! WOW!! And boo...!! My little boy is not so little anymore!! Wahh!! :( I wish I could have spent today with him, though their party was yesterday... I think I am ignoring the fact that the school year is now over! :D I just can't believe it!

Last night Kent and I got home and I fixed a quick dinner (that child gets on meal "fixes" and wanted the same thing from 2 nights ago - bologna sandwich, a dill pickle and watermelon!) and I made a grilled tortilla with turkey, a little mozzarella, tomato and some honey mustard and ate about 1/4 of the whole watermelon!! :D It's fun to take a whole half, stick a spoon in it and have at it - made me feel a little bit like a kid! :)

I had planned to nap from about 7:10 (when dinner was done and wrapped up) until just before 8:00 then get up, dressed and work out; I set a timer on the microwave. Apparently I totally slept through it - next thing I knew Kent was waking me up at 9:00pm and I was totally out of it and not at all in the mood to workout... I reluctantly did it anyway, but did skip a portion of the 90 minute video, and did about 60 minutes of it. I know I shouldn't have, but it was nearly 11:00 by the time I actually went to bed and I really needed to sleep! Tonight is legs and I'm looking forward to it!

I've e-mailed back and forth a little with "L" today and she's having some issues getting the psych appt. scheduled. We thought we had it all nailed down for the 12th, only to find the RE didn't really approve of the psychologist she'd made the appointment with (who came highly recommended by the attorney!) So, back to square one. I feel bad, I know how frustrating the coordination can be when you're going back and forth between so many people (me, the attorney, the RE, and all the psychologists she's contacted)! Hopefully the person the RE recommended will have availability on the same day (happens to be a day Kenneth is supposed to have completely off which would make it so much easier to fit into his schedule)!

I am tired, looking forward to going home and relaxing a little, doing my workout and getting to bed and sleeping in at least a little tomorrow. I need to leave my house around 8:00-8:30 to get to Lake Lanier by 9:30am and get set up for the picnic! Yay!! It's going to be fun - too bad I didn't start this work out a couple months ago so I could actually wear my bathing suit around everyone!! I think we'll skip the waterpark today, and go back another day this summer where we can spend ALL day at the waterpark (the waterpark opens at 10:00am but we'll be doing picnic events until about 2:00pm, and yes it's open til I later in the day, but I need to head home probably no later than 4:00 to get to the dogs, and that really isn't much time to play in the park).

Oh! And I got an egg poacher for work and have had eggs for breakfast 2 days in a row now, and was so excited that it worked MUCH better today then it did yesterday - I used more water and cooked it less time and the eggs actually came out looking poached and not like white rubbery things! :D I'm glad to have that as an option for breakfast at work!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

RE Consult Next Week!

L sent me an e-mail that had details for our first RE consult later next week, which is terrific! They (the clinic) are going to work with us and Kenneth's schedule to get testing done as quickly as possible to make sure everything is good to go, before he heads out. She said for psych evals they like everyone to go together, which makes sense to me and I'm actually looking forward to it - it it's a group discussion type of setting. Of course I'll do whatever they ask me to, but I am not looking forward to taking the MMPI if that's part of the testing. :) I remember doing that one before my gastric bypass surgery, and if I wasn't crazy going into the test, I felt crazy afterwards!! Hee hee! :D

I had an e-mail from Kenneth this morning, with their no phone restriction all day and the time difference it's the only way we're going to talk right now and I was really happy to hear from him. I miss him lots... Our 11th anniversary is in 6 more days... ELEVEN years... blows my mind when I think about it! In just 5 more years, we'll have been married for half of our lives!! That's crazy!

Kent is so excited that they're down to the last 2 days of school! They're having a pizza party today for bringing in the most Box Tops for Education, and tomorrow is the class party and they're grilling. I need to pick something up to send with him!

And tomorrow I start the weekly Weight Watchers meetings here at work for about 2 months! I'm looking forward to having that in person meeting and support, and really hoping it will help me achieve my goals. Today is Week 2, Day 3 of P90X and I'm sticking with it. I really didn't want to last night, I'm so tired, but I got up and did it, did my best and enjoyed a very good night of sleep (and the workout was really good)! I'm wondering if its just my body trying to catch up with the reduced calories I'm taking in and the increased activity. I'm hoping it catches up by the weekend and that this feeling doesn't last too long. I hate dragging like this... I really just want to sleep in! I think I probably will take Sunday off, even though its just X Stretch, I feel like I need an actual day off.

This weekend is going to zip by with the picnic Saturday and a baby shower on Sunday, and then Kenneth will be home later next week! Yay!!

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Tired today

Maybe its the workouts, maybe its getting a little less sleep because I stay up later after the workouts, but man I'm tired today!

I think I pulled something too, in the last few days, because about the last 3 days or so I've been having a pang low on the right side of my stomach, and last night trying to do pushups had me doubled over and nearly in tears and I was really worrying what was going on, wondering if it could be a cyst on my ovary or WHAT?! But as of this morning after giving it a rest it feels a TON better, so I am thinking it must be a pulled muscle of some sort and I really just need to give it a break and let it heal, so no lower abs until that's resolved... I just have to do the best I can with the workouts without hurting it more, and let it heal.

Things are moving forward with N&L - my IVF and pregnancy records are being sent to their RE and L was working on setting up a new patient appointment for us to consult with Dr. Kort at RBA probably within the next 2 weeks. She's also getting the information from the clinic on required testing for me and Kenneth, mainly what Kenneth needs since he is the one with the time restrictions (out of state after June 22nd). We're hoping to get orders for his labs that he can go do at any Labcorps, and then get an evening psych eval appointment for one of the few days he's home between now and then. I don't know why, but I am nervous about going through testing again!! I've done it twice and had multiple uterine evaluations, and still I worry about getting through testing! Geez!

I made the mistake of eating a small bowl of cereal this morning, and I have a feeling that's contributing to the feeling of fatigue - I don't know what it is about cereal but it messes me up pretty much everytime I eat it. I can handle a small cup of milk by itself and cereal dry, but the combination doesn't agree with me and leaves me feeling queasy.

I've already decided that I am going to pick up a small refrigerator at Wal Mart, maybe tonight or some time this coming weekend. I really want to be able to have good, high protein snacks available at work and right now I can't figure out how to do that without having refrigeration available. And yes, we have 2 community refrigerators in the break room, but I always forget about whatever I put in there! I want to be able to keep salad fixings, lunchmeat, fruits and hard boiled eggs close by. I think it will really help a LOT!

This is Kent's last week at school, I can't believe summer break is almost here!! This month is just crazy with all the various things going on over the weekends and then Kenneth's crazy schedule. I called and left my FIM "I" a message last night, I don't think I'm going to be going up to see them this month afterall, it was feeling like too much to cram in - I was getting stressed out about trying to make it all happen, and then Kenneth may be home on the 11th and I'd miss a chance to spend a couple more days with him... so I think I am just canceling that trip and will hope the invitation still stands for a later date when things have calmed down here!